Another One of Those Informal Posts to Clear the Head

Over the last two months or so, I’ve established two kinds of entries on here. There’s the good information post and the personal, informal posts. I’m getting record numbers on the informational posts. As I’ve begun learning through my social media/website/marketing/image/dude, this is a bad idea/promotions manager, I’ve reached exponentially more people than ever before on this site.

While I’m sure some of you hit these numbers every day, I’m literally doing 5 to 10 times the amount of traffic on days that I crosspost an entry through Twitter, Reddit and LinkedIn, with whatever I’ve posted catching fire on one of those mediums, if not more. Part of me feels like a fool not having recognized how many more people I could have been reaching the last few years, but part of me also knows I wasn’t ready mentally to return to social media or those kinds of websites. I’m still staying off Facebook for now.

But there are entries like the one you’re reading, where I’m not really trying to educate and just talking more to the group of people who have followed me for a while and there’s some sense of knowing me on a personal level. I like the group on here. The days I post an entry like this, I don’t care if there’s only 40 reads on it compared to 400 reads of something more journalistic. I think that the chance to write these and get feedback is just as important to my process.

So anyway, I have no idea if this is going to be long or short. I have a few things on my mind, but we never know where thats going to take us.

Collaboration

One thing I hate about having to make these articles SEO-friendly is that I need so many subheads. I’ve got to talk to my web person and find out if I really need to do it on these kinds of posts. Every section can only be 300 words, then you need another subhead. For wordy people like me, it breaks up the flow.

An interesting phenomenon that happened immediately after my TEDx Talk was announced, and again in the weeks leading up to it, and especially this last week since it’s been recorded but not released, is people coming out of the woodwork looking to collaborate with me. I get that the TED brand has cache, but that doesn’t mean I’m brimming with ideas. The one thing almost everyone has in common is that they don’t bring an idea to the table. They expect me to have one and want to ride my coattails. Sorry for the reality check, folks, but I don’t have any coattails right now. I need to be able to afford a suit first.

Collaborating with Tony Overbay on my second book and my TEDx coach, Ryan, were amazing experiences. I learned how much better I can be with a partner who has the same positive goal and passion. But when a stranger says to me, “I think we should work on something together” and I say, “What do you have in mind?” and they have nothing, I know it’s time to move on. In the past I might try to squeeze blood from that stone, but now, I just assume something good will eventually come around. I can only imagine how crazy it’ll get when the TEDx Talk is released, hopefully later this week. You know me…it’s not like you’ll be able to miss it.

Give Me Your Feedback on My Next Book

Another reason I want this entry to fly under the radar is because I want to get your feedback on a book idea, but don’t want the whole world to know I’m working on it.

I’ve got a few ideas for my next book, and I want to focus on partners again. Here are my concepts:

  • How to Avoid Gaslighting From Those Who Did It Best – Stories from Myself, and other addicts I’ll interview, about different kinds of gaslighting they did to their partners. It’ll show what gaslighting is, red flags, and have a lot of examples.
  • Advice for Women Who Haven’t Said ‘I Do’ Yet – Teaching the basics of pornography addiction and what making a long-term commitment to somebody who has a porn addiction would entail.
  • What I Wish I Would Have Told Her Earlier – More of a First-Person take reflecting back on my addiction, identify any red flags I may have been waving, what I should or could have done — and how being honest with my partner would have changed the actual outcome.
  • Advice for Women Who Married a Guy Like Me – For women who have found out that their husband is an addict, but he doesn’t want to do much about it.

Do any of these jump out at any of you? If I’m going to devote a couple hundred hours on this, I want to make sure that it’s something that people think is a good idea.

More Pics From the TEDx Talk

The talk is still not up, and I’m checking a few times every day. I wanted to share a few more pictures from the event that I just got from the official photographer, Nick Caito Photo:

Here you can see my daughter and I in the background cheering on the first speaker at the end of his speech. At this point, I’m probably thinking, “The rehearsal went so, so bad and there’s an exit right behind you if you want to leave now.”
I wanted to lose 15 pounds before my talk. I lost 11. I could have used those extra four around my midsection and double chin.
This is at the beginning of the speech. Why the trash can? You’ll just have to wait until the video comes out to see it.
Give us your best Dennis Hopper from Easy Rider impression!
Everybody is toasting and enjoying champagne after a long day. Notice me on the far left, simply clapping. Just say no.

Communities

I know I thank you guys here a lot, but I honestly wouldn’t have been able to get this far without the support of many of you. Those who have been following since late 2017 or early 2018 have been there through every book, triumph, setback and bipolar moment I brought to the table.

My LinkedIn community is very different, and I get it. I have a small footprint in a couple Reddit communities. Now, I’m building both Instagram and Twitter communities. They are just as different from each other as WordPress is with LinkedIn. I don’t know how many communities I’m going to continue to be a part of, but I will always feel like this is the original and I think this is always going to be the one I return to again and again.

Lead Photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA:

Twitter: @paddictrecovery
Instagram: @paddictrecovery
LinkedIn: @joshua-shea

17 thoughts on “Another One of Those Informal Posts to Clear the Head

  1. My sense with SEO from what’s happened with my own site is that no individual element is make or break. On posts like this that you’re not wanting to show off to search engines anyway, it seems unlikely that relaxing on the subheadings would make all that much different.

    Of the book ideas, my first pick would be the first one, in part because gaslighting is such a buzzword. My second pick would be #4, as it takes an interesting angle.

  2. How to Avoid Gaslighting From Those Who Did It Best – Stories from Myself, and other addicts I’ll interview, about different kinds of gaslighting they did to their partners. It’ll show what gaslighting is, red flags, and have a lot of examples.

    I think this book could be applicable both to partners of porn addicts and, simply, partners of assholes.

  3. I feel like the first and third bullet points could combine and be a great book. It seems few porn/sex addicts come clean of their own volition. It all comes crashing down when they’re caught. There are likely numerous stories from addicts about subtle cries for help (or not so subtle) and the gaslighting they ultimately used to escape detection up till they were caught.

    If you do end up addressing gaslighting I implore you to spend a chapter addressing the mental health impact on the partner. Being lied to is one thing. Being gaslit – where you’re convinced repeatedly over time that your perception of reality is faulty and flawed – creates a rift in your reality and implodes your sense of the universe. It’s traumatic.

    Love the Western shirt, by the way!

  4. SEO is annoying. Tedious.
    I wrote a post with doubleheaders just like this once and was surprised to find out that the opinions on that were mixed. Some people thought it helped the flow, while others didn’t really see the point. I guess it depends on the content. I’m fine writing the way I write. At least for now.

    1. It’s a total pain, although I’m starting to get better at writing in that style as I’m writing so there isn’t so much editing after the fact. But, looking at the backend numbers, it’s impossible to say it’s not working. It’s one of those necessary evils if I’m going to try to take things to the next level in 2021.

  5. All seems like great topics. My two cents in order…..
    1. How to Avoid Gaslighting From Those Who Did It Best
    2. What I Wish I Would Have Told Her Earlier
    3. Advice for Women Who Haven’t Said ‘I Do’ Yet
    4. Advice for Women Who Married a Guy Like Me

  6. First of all, I have an idea, but I’m holding off until I can cement it. Secondly, I like all of the titles, but I like the gaslighting one for selfish reasons (I can contribute a chapter if need be), and I like the one about marrying an addict who isn’t ready to face it or something like that (apologies for my laziness of not wanting to just scroll up).

    Finally, you’re too hard on yourself Shea! You look fine in those TED photos!

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