And with that last little movement at 2:04 pm EST today (February 8, 2022), I have completed my 45th trip through our solar system. I’m 46 today, and I pre-planned a meltdown because it’s closer to 50 than 40 and because it’s closer to 90 than being born. But I’m not having one. I feel great because the TikTok Generation think I look 10 years younger than I actually am. They will never be hired as a carnival barker to guess anyone’s weight.
I’ve been thinking about the TikTok Generation a lot lately because I’ve been doing very well on that platform developing a following. Specific analytics aren’t great, but knowing that TikTok is a newer form of social media with a younger audience than Instagram or Facebook, and knowing my audience in 93% male and mainly North American, I’m reaching the most critical generation — a tipping point, potentially — when it comes to pornography addiction.
They may be very nice to an old man, but they are in serious fucking trouble if we don’t do something soon. I used to spout statistics about teen boys and the 18-to-30 age group without really thinking that there were people behind those stats. Now I’m getting to know them.
First, The Comments
There are two types of comments on TikTok that really strike me: the in-serious-need-of-help and the mocking. Yes, there are plenty of lame jokes, discussions of scientific points, encouragement, success stories, etc., but these two are the kind that run through my head repeatedly.
The ones in need of help are heartbreaking, especially those that, when you visit their profile, they are located in a country where they could get in serious trouble for looking at porn in the first place, much less ask for help. Or it’s the ones where a friend shares one of my short videos with another friend, and the other friend is genuinely thankful. I’m so grateful to have had a video about acknowledging a friend’s porn addiction shared nearly 250,000 times. Even if only 10% are serious, that’s 25,000 people affected by one video positively. Short of being a Fortnite character, I don’t know how I’d reach that many young people at one time. These are the members of the TikTok Generation I appreciate more than they understand.
Those who are mocking make me look at this world and shake my head. I’m sure some of them are deflecting their real feelings, but I’m sure many truly believe that it’s impossible pornography addiction is a real thing. And I’ll accept the 10% who need to be contrarians, cherry pick other data, and out-expert the expert. I probably used to be that guy. I humor them because you can’t win arguing with that type. No, what really makes me sad is that there is a population that has made their decisions and there is no amount of scientific data, anecdotal proof and circumstantial evidence that will get them to change their decision. How do we keep letting these people slip through the educational system?
Next, the clients
I have not asked any of my clients if I can share any anecdotes from our coaching sessions, so I’m not going to be sharing any juicy individual details, but there are real trends I’m seeing as my coaching business is taking on so many new clients. And it doesn’t matter if they are 18 or 28. It doesn’t matter if they are a guy or a girl. And it doesn’t matter if they are an entitled rich kid in Dubai or someone in poverty in Tijuana. This is hitting the same.
The culprit? Ironically, social media. Unless someone goes straight to pornography, the way that 95% of my clients from TikTok arrive at pornography is by starting on social media and telling themselves a narrative something like this:
In a Clients Head/Their Corresponding Actions
“I’m just going to see what’s on TikTok or Instagram.”
Scroll, scroll, scroll.
“Oh look, half-naked attractive people. I wonder if these people have more content of them in similar or even more extreme states of undress.”
Dig into their profile. See them in other various states of undress. Click on their profile to see if they have an OnlyFans page or some other way to see them in sexual/undressed scenarios.
“Oh look, they have more content. And they are attractive. Am I going to pay to see them? I wonder if I can find something free.”
Check a couple of very popular websites, and potentially find more explicit material.
“Oh, look, this person who I just happened to run into organically on TikTok or Instagram is now naked. Well, I guess I may as well — scratch that — I must masturbate.”
From there it’s a couple rationalizations and minimizations until they are on full-blown hardcore pornographic websites and whatever cute guy or gal or gender-fluid person they were looking at on social media is now a memory of the past. They are into their addiction and there is no stopping them.
I won’t see clients under 18, so most of the young men and women I speak with have been dealing with an addiction for several years. There’s got to be a way to get to these kids when they are 11 or 12, and either they, or many of their peers are just settling in to unhealthy pornography viewing habits. I started at 12, which I think was young in 1988, but looking at the comments on TikTok for many videos, there are people who talk about starting to watch regularly at 8 and 9. Fucking tragic.
As 2022 Moves Forward
We live in a world that has a level of crazy going on that finally feels like what I’ve always had going on in my head. We’re watching our youngest become hooked on pornography and nobody over 40 will say anything about it because they don’t want anybody to know that they look at porn now and then. Meanwhile, their sexually-unsure anxiety-ridden 19-year-old in the next room is masturbating online for both men and women and not making the money that the “influencers” promised. To cope with this reality? You guessed it. More porn consumption.
I got onto TikTok to help build an online presence but it’s taken me somewhere else. I recently relinquished my commitments to the betrayal trauma organization where I taught online classes and coached some of their clients. While I loved the work I did there, but this segment of the population has always been my main calling and I feel called more than ever.
I’m going into 2022 and my 46th year with my head held high, still proud of not just the professional strides I’m making but how I’m continuing my personal journey of recovery. I tell my clients that recovery from addiction is just a piece of the overall puzzle. So many of us lose our way as humans at some point. Many never find their way back. Having a lack of addictive behavior has allowed me to work on becoming the person I should have been 25 years ago.
2022? 46 years old? They’re all just numbers that don’t mean much. Just ask my 63,000 followers. God Bless the TikTok Generation.
Lead Photo by Solen Feyissa on Unsplash
I’m sure by now you’re feeling like (to borrow from the Bible) “a voice in the wilderness.” Porn is the real epidemic because it shows no signs of going away. A tragedy. Keep plugging, though. Some are actually listening to your warnings. And if you can help even one….
Thanks, man, I always come back here to lean on your support. You’ve seen my journey since the earliest days of going public with things. And you know me. I can help one, but I want to help a million and one.
Happy birthday! That’s great that you’ve been able to really connect with this audience.
Never would have seen that happening in a million years. But beat myself up for waiting for long to get on.
Happy birthday! And congratulations on finding such a great niche on TikToc. I am really glad that you’ve found a big audience there. (Well, sorry that the need exists in the first instance, but glad they found you for help.)